Doing it alone. Everyone has left.

May 19, 2025 2:20 pm | by Craig Webb | Posted in Polis

I buried my brother Wade this spring on Good Friday. He died almost two years ago. It took me this long to take care of him.

My brother died in California where he lived and worked for over thirty years. I buried him in Pennsylvania in the town where I was born.

My father or grandfather bought grave plots in a cemetery near Crestmont. My grandparents are buried there and also my brother Paul.

Wade died of heart failure and non-alcoholic cirrhosis. His demise was agonizing. The cirrhosis caused him to hemorrhage in his esophagus and he lost a lot of blood. The loss of blood caused a heart attack and Wade was in a comma for three weeks. When he came to he could not speak.

The hospital was prepared to send Wade for a liver transplant but the damage to his heart was too severe for him to undergo the treatment. I was there and spoke to him one day. The next day he was unconscious and the nurses were desperately trying to get his blood pressure up. The drugs they were using to force his heartbeat were no longer working. Wade’s blood pressure dropped and he died.

Days earlier the doctors were still considering the liver transplant and then they had to tell him no.

I told Wade that I would bury him in Pennsylvania. He shook his head no. He was unable to say what he wanted because he could not speak.

I wanted to bury Wade next to my brother Paul, who had died some thirty years earlier. Wade loved Grandma as well. He had a photo of her in his living room in Pasadena.

My father who also died recently is not buried. His last wife has him, I think. He died right near Thanksgiving. Wade told me that she does not want to speak with me. So I don’t know what will happen with my father. I’m pretty sure that he wanted to be buried near his father and mother, and his brother.

I’m glad that I buried my brother in the family plot. I did it for me. I did it for my self respect. I’ve done what I could to take care of my family.

* * *

Wade must have known that he was in trouble. I visited him two years earlier and accompanied him on a visit to the hospital. He had an appointment at the hematology department. After he came out of the appointment he told me that both his white and red blood cell count were low. He said the doctor made a scan of his spleen.

I asked him multiple times what the doctors said and I encouraged him to go back for more information. He told me he did not believe in western medicine. Some friend of his came by with a tincture of some sort, a “holistic medicine”.

Had Wade dealt with the problem then he probably would have gotten the liver transplant. The lesson is to go to the damned doctors. Since Wade died I’ve had a liver and kidney screening, a colonoscopy and an endoscopy. I get blood tests every six months. I’ve got x-rays of my hip and knee, which are becoming arthritic.

Go to the doctor. Ask questions. Look up the results using AI. Find out what is going on and deal with it.

* * *

Wade left a lot of damage. He had been successful as a solar-power engineer for housing and commercial buildings in Los Angeles county. He had a caustic mouth and he wrecked his marriage. After his wife left him his life and business went south. She handled the books and Wade did not handle the business finances well. He had a bad client and he accrued a lot of debt. He was lonely and he became involved with a catfishing scheme. Wade was sending bitcoin to some catfish floozy.

Wade lost his business license. He had to work through an associate’s business and earned less money. He fell off a ladder and broke his hip. I came out to take care of him for a couple of weeks. There was no food in the house and I bought food at various grocery stores for us to eat. I would work on my computer while he made called to creditors to let business loans.

Wade was 10 months behind in rent when he died. The landlord had put a lock on his door and a notice of eviction. His work associated got his debit card and emptied his bank account saying that he owed them money. They agreed to get his stuff out of his apartment but then turned around and sold Wade’s four prized guitars on Craigslist for $1000.00. Basically everything he had is gone, including his car and his photographs of grandma and the catfish.

* * *

Mom is buried at the national cemetery in Santa fe New Mexico in a crematorium plot intended to be shared with her husband Larry, a Viet Nam veteran. Larry has advanced dementia. His sister gained conservancy and she brought him to Ohio where she lives. She is taking care of him and his sister who also has dementia. She last told me that Larry is physically strong. I do not know that she intends to honor my mother’s wish to be buried with him in New Mexico. It may be awkward to dig my mother up. I don’t want to have her buried alone, forgotten.

For now I’m just living life and getting by. I miss having family. My therapist asks me how I feel and I don’t have much to say. I feel a hole. I often have dreams with Mom and my brothers in them. The dreams are about packing to move or leaving a party, needing a ride and being left behind. I dream that I am the last to leave the party and I don’t have a ride so I am deciding to hitchhike. Abandoned. Doing it alone.